Our spring days have begun to mirror the cooling into fall. The light is returning boldly, but without fanfare—surprised we ever feared its absence. The snow is turning brown in places and running off into cold, muddy rivers down the dirt streets. But where it’s still white, it’s really, truly white, and blinding with 16 hours’ work of reflecting sun. I see more clearly these days.
Last week, Courtney gave Francesca and me a distraction from our usual newsie duties: voicing quotes and poems that she’ll turn into inspirational radio spots. Fran recorded this short passage from The Velveteen Rabbit and we became quite fond of it. It’s been added to the inspirational quote wall in the bat cave and a painted version is now teeth-brushing entertainment in the bathroom. I’ll share it here:
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Being “Real,” for good or bad, is something we volunteers appreciate about living in Nome. Caitlin mused the other day, “There’s no standard of cool here, so everyone is just them self.” Spending time or energy cultivating a ‘self’ outside the one you were gifted is just impractical! It’s not that my previous homes have been filled with pretenses, but I just love the honesty of interactions in Nome and the other communities I’ve visited in Alaska. Whether you’re meeting for the first time or have known someone forever, you bring all you have to the table—nothing less, nothing more. It’s a good lesson about physically living here, too—you don’t ‘expect,’ because the weather will change or some cool opportunity to go fishing will pop up that will instantly change your plans—you only adapt, with open eyes and a full heart.
But what does it mean to be “Real”? Really real, like, truly real…when you’re still trying to figure so much out? I don’t know if I have an answer to that yet, but I’m trying to live my way into one by paying close attention to the moments that just make sense, and so many unexpected moments this year do just that.
Earlier this month, Francesca and I journeyed back to Wales to visit our friends and gather sound for soon-to-be-radio-pieces on qaspeq (pronounced: “kus-puck”) ripping and sewing. If you’ve never seen one, a qaspeq is a tunic-length, hooded overshirt with a large pocket and sometimes skirt. It’s a traditional garment you might see worn in Native dance or by someone out berry picking (or by our Alaska legislators on Fridays!) Now you’ll see a couple more at KNOM, since we finally finished the qaspeqs we ripped in Wales in August! (It should take a few hours, or, you know, if you’re me…eight months. But it’s okay, sewing machine. We’re friends now, right?)
It was so restorative to sit in a room of women sewing, little girls running around, borrowing our microphones to interview each other. Making mistakes, finishing a project that was hard but oh, so worthwhile. And then wearing those qaspeqs to the Wales choir practice, we joined in singing Americana-style folk hymns with some really talented musicians. The evening wrapped up with a trek across the frozen, moon-like landscape of Wales, falling often into snow drifts that materialized seemingly before our eyes. But with chai tea, a comfy couch and good conversation, it was hard to remember just how unforgiving the world outside could be.
Moving to Alaska was a risk for me, and every day, life here demands something new. But the greatest challenge, with the greatest reward, is the process of becoming Real—becoming oneself—a little ragged around the edges, with jeans that smell like sled dog and boots caked in mud. It’s figuring out what is Real and true when you’re still just a work in progress: a great project not yet complete.
